A Response to pastors who counsel women to help their porn-using husbands avoid porn by being more sexually available.
Anxiety can be debilitating, causing a lack of focus and the inability to function. Learn how to deal with it in this informative post.
Posted on October 13, 2017 Anxiety might seem like a harmless little word to some people. But if you’re battling anxiety, dealing with heart palpitations, or even struggling to control racing thoughts, you know anxiety is anything but benign. Here’s the thing, though. It doesn’t have to rule your life. Although it’s not always possible to avoid stress, you can learn to manage it better and lessen its impact on you. Admit it. The idea of life without all the symptoms of anxiety sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? Following are five tips that will help you control racing thoughts and say goodbye to those nasty heart palpitations. 1. Deep Breathing Techniques The very first thing you need to stock in your arsenal against anxiety is a deep breathing technique. Inhale slowly through your nose or through your lips like your sipping from a straw. Fill your lungs completely. Some people like to hold this deep breath for a few seconds before releasing the air slowly. Repeat for several minutes. Deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which deactivates the “fight or flight” response. In short, it tells your body that there is no need for panic mode. 2. Make A List Although your brain is not technically filled to capacity, it can sure feel like it is when you struggle with anxiety. Most likely your thoughts are a mental to-do list or a whirlwind of concerns. Rather than trying to remember all the things you need to get done, try writing them down. Throw yourself a bone and free up your headspace. By getting them out of your brain and onto paper, you’ll find that it’s easier to control racing thoughts. Journaling is an excellent outlet, as well. Even writing down a few sentences about your concerns helps to calm worries. 3. Live In the Present Living in the present seems like it would come naturally. When you’re trying to control racing thoughts, though, living in the present has to become deliberate. You’ve probably noticed that thoughts have a tendency to get stuck on replay. You might worry about conversations that have already happened or worry about the what-ifs of the future. These patterns only invite anxiety. Shortness of breath and heart palpitations usually aren’t far behind. By living in the present, you can stop these downward spirals before they start. It’s easy, too! You can always anchor yourself in the moment by deep breathing. Also, be especially aware of your surroundings for a few moments. What do you hear, see, smell, taste, etc? You’ll be surprised how effective grounding techniques can really be. 4. Surrender Control Anxiety often stems from the need to feel in control of a situation. This doesn’t make you a control freak. It does, however, make you susceptible to anxious feelings simply because you aren’t always able to control life. It’s hard to accept and understand that life is often uncontrollable. Sometimes it’s even harder to know what you can and can’t control. In these moments, recite a mantra or even a positive quote surrounding the fact that you can’t always control life. A few simple words said aloud can help your brain surrender the need for control. 5. Shift Your Attention Another way to control racing thoughts is to sidetrack your brain. Ruminating is harmful to your mental state but so difficult to stop. Much like a broken record player, thinking about something over and over can drive you into a state of frenzy. Most people don’t have success at forcing themselves to stop thinking about something. You’ve got to trick your brain, per se. Choose something in your environment that you can think about—the trees swaying, the sound of your computer tapping, or even how it feels to do the deep breathing exercise. Focus on that one thing for a few minutes. This simple interruption can speak volumes to your brain and help you control racing thoughts. Like mentioned before, anxiety absolutely does not have to rule your life. By implementing these five tips, you can invite calmness and peace into your life. For more help in finding ways to battle anxiety in your own life, please contact me. I’d be happy to help you strategize a personalized way for you to manage anxiety and help you live a more satisfying life.
Posted on September 13, 2017 When we experience negative and life-changing events, often traumatic memories haunt our minds . These memories can be so powerful that they run the show. They dictate how we feel, what we think, and even what we do most of the time. Since you’re reading this, chances are you have experienced a traumatic and life-changing event. Perhaps you can’t stop your thoughts from replaying this event or situations surrounding it over and over. Besides feeling intense stress and anxiety, these traumatic memories are making it hard to focus or get anything done. Household chores are increasingly becoming more difficult to accomplish. Work… well, work is the epitome of “going through the motions.” Is it possible to bring some function back to your daily life? Yes. There is a way to reclaim your life, and it can be easier than you think. Consider the following benefits of EMDR in reclaiming your life from traumatic memories. What Is EMDR? Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) has been used in therapy for the past twenty years. It primarily helps trauma victims face the past and work through their traumatic experience. You might be wondering how moving your eyes a certain way during a therapy session could help do anything. But, it does. How Does EMDR Work? During an EMDR session, your therapist will have you quickly look back and forth with your eyes. It might help you to imagine what your eyes would do if you were watching a professional ping-pong match. Back and forth, back and forth. You will be prompted to recall one of your traumatic memories while you are moving your eyes. The combination of the eye movement along with recalling your traumatic memories evokes a type of reorganizing in your brain. In short, this eye movement/memory recall coupling sends your brain a message not to panic or feel anxious. In turn, this calming message enables you not to feel the same level of hurt, fear, or pain while experiencing one of your traumatic memories. Does EMDR Make You Forget Traumatic Memories? EMDR doesn’t make you forget your traumatic memories altogether. Like any other chapter in your life, you will always carry those with you. However, it does distance them from your heart, per se, so you don’t feel so incredibly intense when one crosses your mind. Since EMDR redirects your brain to process the trauma rather than simply focusing on the traumatic image, your traumatic memories do not have to affect you negatively or control you like they have been. The thing about mental images is that they possess a lot of energy. Traumatic mental images possess even more energy than most. As you can imagine, this energy is negative—full of pain, hurt, fear, and despair. Traumatic memories can have such a hold on you and your life. How Does EMDR Help You to Reclaim Your Life? When powerful mental images and their accompanying negative energy are in the driver’s seat, you are simply along for the ride. This ride is more like a scary roller coaster rather than a peaceful hike on horseback, though. The feeling of losing control is fairly common. This is no way to live. EMDR helps you to reclaim your life by reducing the stress brought on by traumatic memories. Healing from the past and living a fulfilling life is the aim of most people—trauma victims especially. Traumatic memories get in the way of this. With memories causing you such stress, it’s hard to move past the traumatic event and heal. EMDR helps to distance your traumatic memories from your emotions so that you can process the event and embrace healing. Once these memories no longer have control of your thoughts or emotions and have taken a back seat in your life, you can finally heal and move on to live a full and rewarding life.
Posted on July 25, 2017 After Betrayal: How to Be Aware of Related PTSD Symptoms Does it seem like your life after betrayal has been turned upside down? You don’t feel like yourself but aren’t quite sure what’s going on. When someone close to you betrays your trust, it can be traumatic. It can leave you with an array of both physical and emotional symptoms much like people experience after having faced a life-threatening situation. These symptoms reflect a mental health condition known as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Commonly pegged as the battlefield that continues after war, it’s no longer dedicated strictly to the military. PTSD can afflict anyone recovering from a traumatic event—even you. How can you know if you may be experiencing PTSD due to betrayal? Start Slowly After betrayal, wrapping your head around all that you’ve been through can be immensely difficult. Still, do your best to examine your current condition. It will probably serve you as a welcomed distraction. Start slowly and start with the easiest to identify—your body. Your physical symptoms are tangible. In fact, they’ll probably stick out to you like a sore thumb. You can start with keeping a journal of how you feel from day to day. Doing this will help you identify any symptoms that could be related to your traumatic experience. Physical Symptoms Some common physical symptoms related to PTSD include: Insomnia or nightmares (often about details of the betrayal) Chronic upset stomach Tightness or burning in chest Muscle aches Headaches or migraines General feeling of pain throughout body Changes in appetite (increase or loss) Also, I should categorize substance abuse on this list. Some people can easily overlook it as a socially acceptable way to cope. Take stock in what you’re putting into your body. For instance, are you drinking more alcohol or taking more pain pills than you were before the betrayal? Are illegal drugs now a part of your life? It’s important to remember that the entirety of who you are—body, soul, and mind—work closely together. When one part of you is off-kilter, the rest of you will reflect this imbalance. In short, paying close attention to your body is a reliable way to gauge what’s going on a little deeper inside. Emotional Symptoms After betrayal, your emotions might feel shattered. It’s safe to say that you have a broken heart. Experiencing PTSD symptoms because of a broken heart might seem far-fetched. Yet, the two are more closely related than you may know. Feelings of anger, sadness, and grief are normal after betrayal. Though, PTSD brings on even more intense feelings. Such feelings include: Hopelessness Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy Depression Prolonged sadness Feelings of extreme mistrust Anxiety or panic attacks Emptiness or numbness It can seem difficult to tell the difference between PTSD and general upset from learning of the betrayal. One important indicator that you’re dealing with more complex emotions is the length of time they stick around. Although highly unpleasant, the typical emotions you feel after betrayal tend to fade away as your heart heals. When PTSD is at work, you don’t find a reprieve in the fading. In short, your negative emotions don’t fade away when you suffer from PTSD. Mental Symptoms Like mentioned before, your world could feel completely upside down after learning of the betrayal. You may have lost trust in someone you previously thought you could trust implicitly. Unfortunately, something like this doesn’t leave your mind and thoughts untouched. After betrayal, it’s normal to have a negative perception. Like emotional pain, this too should gradually fade away as you recover. PTSD doesn’t let go that easily, though. Following are some symptoms to be aware of that negatively affect your mind. Again, watch out for them over a longer period of time (at least a month and often longer). Panic attacks Fearful of the world around you Highly distracted Unable to focus at work, home, or school Not able to function socially like your pre-betrayal self Suicidal thoughts Paranoia or hypervigilance If you’ve identified PTSD symptoms within yourself as you read this post, then it’s time to seek professional help. PTSD might seem incredibly intimidating because of stories you’ve heard on the news. The truth is that it is a big deal, but it’s not so big a deal that a professional therapist can’t help you through it. Life after betrayal can bring an onslaught of complex emotions. You can recover and heal. Contact a trusted therapist to help you reclaim your life.
Posted on August 21, 2017 Have you recently experienced a significant loss? Maybe it was the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. You might have even lost your job. No matter the loss, it was a huge blow to you. Since this experience, your mind may become overactive. Your racing thoughts feel out of control…or rather like they’re in full control of you. In fact, when you start to feel anxious, your breathing becomes labored. Sometimes you have a pain in your chest and feel tension in your muscles. Other times, you feel an overall horribly heavy feeling that just won’t leave. What can you do? Take Time for Yourself Moving forward from a significant loss is not an easy process. It’s not even a neat and clean process. It is, however, very possible to recover from a loss. The most important thing is that you have to allow yourself time to grieve. Grief counselor, Megan Devine, Huffington Post, 2013, said, “Kubler-Ross identified five common experiences, not five required experiences. Her stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) were meant to normalize and validate what someone might experience in loss and grief.” According to Patrick O’Malley, Getting Grief Right, 2017, “Everyone’s grief is different, but it’s safe to say there is no finish line.” So you might find yourself running in emotional circles which manifest themselves in your mind as racing thoughts and anxiety. This is normal. There is no right or wrong way to experience your grief. The most important thing is that you acknowledge how you feel about your loss. Improper Grieving Invites Anxiety It’s common to put on a brave face when you’re experiencing a big loss. You might be the pillar in your family. Others depend on you to be strong for them. When you choose not to mourn your loss but rather put on a brave face, you’re suppressing grief. Unfortunately, grief doesn’t work that way. The more you try to suppress your emotions, the worse your anxiety often takes over. In short, not allowing yourself to grieve properly is like giving anxiety the key to your mind to let racing thoughts have free reign. In doing this, you might even experience panic attacks. After a loss, you have to bend a little. You can still be the strong pillar that you want to be. Instead of rigid stone, though, imagine a pillar of wood. It’s flexible and sways with the wind, but it doesn’t break. That can be you as you grieve. You can bend under the pressure of external forces, but can you still remain standing upright. Dependency Can Cause Racing Thoughts No matter what you recently lost, you might have depended heavily on it. Losing something or someone you depended upon will frequently cause panic and anxiety. For instance, you may have lost your job or lost the loved one that provided financially for you. Now you are left to fend without that arrangement. That thought alone is enough to send racing thoughts of fear barreling through your mind. You may feel like you’re about to lose control because you have no idea how you will pay your bills at this point. Not only did you lose something that you care about but you lost your peace of mind. Blurred visions, a racing heart, and night sweats may be a few of the unfriendly symptoms of the aftermath of your loss. You might feel like you’re scrambling to make ends meet and don’t have time for anything else—not even grieving. Thus, the cruel partnership of physical symptoms and anxiety gets stronger. Internalized Fears Welcome Anxiety Losing a loved one especially can cause you to internalize your fears. Fear of death or even dreading your own demise are fairly common thoughts after a memorial. In losing your job or a special relationship, you may constantly be battling the fear of failing in life. You may be fighting the thought that you aren’t good enough or that it’s too late for you to make something of yourself. Maybe you want to make your deceased loved one proud, prove your co-workers wrong, or even make your ex realize what he or she is missing. It’s easy to internalize fears like this. Instead of living on the offense, you choose to live on the defense. The downfall in all these racing thoughts is that you give fear the reigns in your life. Rather than truly living, you’re just trying to prove to yourself and others that you’re good enough. Overcoming Racing Thoughts It difficult to experience a significant loss only to feel anxiety and then battle racing thoughts on top of it. In looking for a reprieve from the complications that arise from a loss, turn to a professional. I can help you navigate through your grief and manage your racing thoughts. Together, we can examine the symptoms you may be experiencing in your body and trace them back to your anxiety or emotional triggers. Happiness and wholeness are within your grasp. Take the first step in reclaiming your life and talk to a therapist today.
