Mending hearts from emotional or sexual betrayal
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Hi, I'm Cherie' Hammer
I'm a faith based licensed professional counselor located in Greenwood Village, Colorado. My focus is working from a Christian perspective to help those who have experienced relationship betrayal, especially partners of those addicted to sex or porn.
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You may feel like the wind has been knocked out of you by your partners betrayal and have difficulty taking a deep breath. As a therapist, I provide a safe and trusting environment where you are met with compassion, understanding, and acceptance.
Don't wait another moment. The time is now. The person is you. Take the leap and start living.
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Thoughts By Cherie'
Anxiety can be debilitating, causing a lack of focus and the inability to function. Learn how to deal with it in this informative post.
Does it seem like your life after betrayal has been turned upside down? You don’t feel like yourself but aren’t quite sure what’s going on. When someone close to you betrays your trust, it can be traumatic. It can leave you with an array of both physical and emotional symptoms much like people experience after having faced a life-threatening situation. These symptoms reflect a mental health condition known as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Commonly pegged as the battlefield that continues after war, it’s no longer dedicated strictly to the military. PTSD can afflict anyone recovering from a traumatic event—even you. How can you know if you may be experiencing PTSD due to betrayal? Start Slowly After betrayal, wrapping your head around all that you’ve been through can be immensely difficult. Still, do your best to examine your current condition. It will probably serve you as a welcomed distraction. Start slowly and start with the easiest to identify—your body. Your physical symptoms are tangible. In fact, they’ll probably stick out to you like a sore thumb. You can start with keeping a journal of how you feel from day to day. Doing this will help you identify any symptoms that could be related to your traumatic experience. Physical Symptoms Some common physical symptoms related to PTSD include: Insomnia or nightmares (often about details of the betrayal) Chronic upset stomach Tightness or burning in chest Muscle aches Headaches or migraines General feeling of pain throughout body Changes in appetite (increase or loss) Also, I should categorize substance abuse on this list. Some people can easily overlook it as a socially acceptable way to cope. Take stock in what you’re putting into your body. For instance, are you drinking more alcohol or taking more pain pills than you were before the betrayal? Are illegal drugs now a part of your life? It’s important to remember that the entirety of who you are—body, soul, and mind—work closely together. When one part of you is off-kilter, the rest of you will reflect this imbalance. In short, paying close attention to your body is a reliable way to gauge what’s going on a little deeper inside. Emotional Symptoms After betrayal, your emotions might feel shattered. It’s safe to say that you have a broken heart. Experiencing PTSD symptoms because of a broken heart might seem far-fetched. Yet, the two are more closely related than you may know. Feelings of anger, sadness, and grief are normal after betrayal. Though, PTSD brings on even more intense feelings. Such feelings include: Hopelessness Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy Depression Prolonged sadness Feelings of extreme mistrust Anxiety or panic attacks Emptiness or numbness It can seem difficult to tell the difference between PTSD and general upset from learning of the betrayal. One important indicator that you’re dealing with more complex emotions is the length of time they stick around. Although highly unpleasant, the typical emotions you feel after betrayal tend to fade away as your heart heals. When PTSD is at work, you don’t find a reprieve in the fading. In short, your negative emotions don’t fade away when you suffer from PTSD. Mental Symptoms Like mentioned before, your world could feel completely upside down after learning of the betrayal. You may have lost trust in someone you previously thought you could trust implicitly. Unfortunately, something like this doesn’t leave your mind and thoughts untouched. After betrayal, it’s normal to have a negative perception. Like emotional pain, this too should gradually fade away as you recover. PTSD doesn’t let go that easily, though. Following are some symptoms to be aware of that negatively affect your mind. Again, watch out for them over a longer period of time (at least a month and often longer). Panic attacks Fearful of the world around you Highly distracted Unable to focus at work, home, or school Not able to function socially like your pre-betrayal self Suicidal thoughts Paranoia or hypervigilance If you’ve identified PTSD symptoms within yourself as you read this post, then it’s time to seek professional help. PTSD might seem incredibly intimidating because of stories you’ve heard on the news. The truth is that it is a big deal, but it’s not so big a deal that a professional therapist can’t help you through it. Life after betrayal can bring an onslaught of complex emotions. You can recover and heal. Contact a trusted therapist to help you reclaim your life.
Anxiety might seem like a harmless little word to some people. But if you’re battling anxiety, dealing with heart palpitations, or even struggling to control racing thoughts, you know anxiety is anything but benign. Here’s the thing, though. It doesn’t have to rule your life. Although it’s not always possible to avoid stress, you can learn to manage it better and lessen its impact on you. Admit it. The idea of life without all the symptoms of anxiety sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? Following are five tips that will help you control racing thoughts and say goodbye to those nasty heart palpitations. 1. Deep Breathing Techniques The very first thing you need to stock in your arsenal against anxiety is a deep breathing technique. Inhale slowly through your nose or through your lips like your sipping from a straw. Fill your lungs completely. Some people like to hold this deep breath for a few seconds before releasing the air slowly. Repeat for several minutes. Deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which deactivates the “fight or flight” response. In short, it tells your body that there is no need for panic mode. 2. Make A List Although your brain is not technically filled to capacity, it can sure feel like it is when you struggle with anxiety. Most likely your thoughts are a mental to-do list or a whirlwind of concerns. Rather than trying to remember all the things you need to get done, try writing them down. Throw yourself a bone and free up your headspace. By getting them out of your brain and onto paper, you’ll find that it’s easier to control racing thoughts. Journaling is an excellent outlet, as well. Even writing down a few sentences about your concerns helps to calm worries. 3. Live In the Present Living in the present seems like it would come naturally. When you’re trying to control racing thoughts, though, living in the present has to become deliberate. You’ve probably noticed that thoughts have a tendency to get stuck on replay. You might worry about conversations that have already happened or worry about the what-ifs of the future. These patterns only invite anxiety. Shortness of breath and heart palpitations usually aren’t far behind. By living in the present, you can stop these downward spirals before they start. It’s easy, too! You can always anchor yourself in the moment by deep breathing. Also, be especially aware of your surroundings for a few moments. What do you hear, see, smell, taste, etc? You’ll be surprised how effective grounding techniques can really be. 4. Surrender Control Anxiety often stems from the need to feel in control of a situation. This doesn’t make you a control freak. It does, however, make you susceptible to anxious feelings simply because you aren’t always able to control life. It’s hard to accept and understand that life is often uncontrollable. Sometimes it’s even harder to know what you can and can’t control. In these moments, recite a mantra or even a positive quote surrounding the fact that you can’t always control life. A few simple words said aloud can help your brain surrender the need for control. 5. Shift Your Attention Another way to control racing thoughts is to sidetrack your brain. Ruminating is harmful to your mental state but so difficult to stop. Much like a broken record player, thinking about something over and over can drive you into a state of frenzy. Most people don’t have success at forcing themselves to stop thinking about something. You’ve got to trick your brain, per se. Choose something in your environment that you can think about—the trees swaying, the sound of your computer tapping, or even how it feels to do the deep breathing exercise. Focus on that one thing for a few minutes. This simple interruption can speak volumes to your brain and help you control racing thoughts. Like mentioned before, anxiety absolutely does not have to rule your life. By implementing these five tips, you can invite calmness and peace into your life. For more help in finding ways to battle anxiety in your own life, please contact me. I’d be happy to help you strategize a personalized way for you to manage anxiety and help you live a more satisfying life.
